Why oh Why?

Hurrmm..
Why is making up after an argument or fight is so hard??
duhh..
cracking my head how to make it normal again..
ishh..  can't forget what happened, but don't want to be like this also..
hmm.. so egoist la..
but to fake my emotions, I don't want to be a liar.
Egoist is better than liar, or liar better than egoist?

gotta decide soon..
don't want the decision to spoil the treasure, the moments..
don't want to be alone any longer..

If..

Fights are really heart-breakers.
Making everything leaden.
Heart, soul, mind, days, thoughts and almost everything that one does.
If only after each fight,
I could keep calm and say nice things.
If only after each fight,
I could wake up forgetting what had happened,
If only after each fight,
I could only remember how much i have loved and treasured the relationship.
If only after each fight,
I could only think of the beautiful moments we had went through.
If only after each fight,
I could erase the grudges, anger and the bad thoughts.
If only I am able to do all of these.
I could always preserve the relationship that I love so much.
I miss being the old us.
I miss you.